Mr Calzone

Mr Calzone

749 Ellice Ave / 204-452-4203

1254 Pembina Hwy / 204-779-3408

Mrcalzone.ca

Mon-Thu:  11 am – 12:30 am / Fri-Sun:  11 am – 2 am

Facebook:  @mrcalzoneca

June, 2020

We dine out quite often and outings are often more fun shared with friends.  We regularly dine at nice restaurants, not necessarily haughty, but nice and elegant.  Once in a while, we take in the top tables, but the suits always stay at home.  I would much prefer to look at the food on my plate than what the next person wears.  If you cannot stand to see my shirt and shorts in the restaurant, don’t look at me!  In fact, why are you looking at me in the first place!  I would hope that your food would be more interesting than me!  Or your company!  Isn’t your company more interesting than what I wear?!

By contrast, I rarely hit the dive joints.  I experienced enough holes in my youth and I am perfectly fine without them in my adult years.  While in university, I worked with a gruff crew who thought of breakfast as a worshipped ritual.  Each of them had their own idea of which dive made the best breakfasts, and each day, we visited a different one.  After four years of going to Mel’s Diner for breakfasts, I felt qualified to determine where to find the best breakfast in the city.

The winner?  Honestly?  None.  Folks, we are talking about bacon and eggs!  And those schmoes ate those same bacon and eggs everyday!  As a restaurant, if you cannot make a proper bacon and eggs dish, you should not run a restaurant!  This is not cooking 101!  This is remedial survival food 103!

That is the main reason I do not go to dives as a habit; they serve basic foods for basic people with basic wants.  If a joint tops its eggs with roe, and cuts its hash browns with clams and truffle oil, I am all there—but I will be the only one around.  Dives cater to a simple tongue, and if you have a simple tongue, you are not reading this.

When our friends invited us out to lunch, we were very eager to accept.  Then when they said they wanted to take us to a dive, my heebie jeebies sprouted.  We were in the midst of renovations and they likely thought that we would feel most comfortable in a dive—dressed in our best paint-covered shorts, adorned with frills of wood shavings, lightly dusted with sawdust.  Maybe they are right—it is one thing to be eating at 529 in dress shorts and a buttoned shirt, but it is quite another to sit at Rae & Jerry’s doused in eau de carpenter. 

They aroused my curiosity considerably when letting on that the name of the restaurant was Mr Calzone—at least it was not going to be another bacon and eggs, burger and fries joint named Wilma’s.  I tried calzones a few times in past; I was not a huge fan but I would not send it away.

I have heard people call calzones “pizzas with double the dough.”  That is anathema to me—I do not like bread and dough very much.  They fill you up without much substance or flavour.  Lots of people claim the secret to making the best pizza comes from the dough.  They spend hours growing their own yeast, kneading their wads and watching it rise anxiously. 

Is there any difference between watching dough rise and watching grass grow?  Really?

Dough is dough!  People love my pizzas because I use the freshest ingredients, and I use unique ingredients.  I add flavour to the sauces and change up the cheese.  All of this gives flavour and taste—punching down the dough only gives you tennis elbow.  Honestly, people rave over my pizzas and I have only ever used grocery store, premade bottoms. 

Now they want to double the dough?  This does not portend well.

We walk into Mr Calzone and it does not disappoint, not at all.  It is every bit a dive.  Leaving a trail of wallboard dust like Pigpen, I pop into the washroom, which does not disappoint either.  The lifting tiles, stained walls, chipped porcelain and tarnished fixtures all remind me of where I am. 

Returning to the dining room, I hear the walls calling to me,

“Hey!  You’ve been drywalling and painting!  When’s it our turn?!  Please!  We need a makeover badly!  Ignoring the voices, I peer into the menu monitors.  Pizza stands as a viable alternative to calzones but I quickly see that the owner/operators here do not root from Italy.  The Middle Eastern section and the Arabic spoken by the staff tell me that I want to try their kababs or shawarmas.  Coming to greet us, I ask for menu suggestions.  Of course, they say they are known for their calzones.  All right, I would not go to a seafood restaurant for bacon and eggs—and seeing as I am at Mr Calzone, I should have a calzone.

Making it from scratch after ordering, it takes a while for the food to come.  Relaxing and socialising means taking beverages straight out of the dining room cooler.  If you are here, it is easiest to take a two-litre and share with Styrofoam cups.

As a hobbyist/semi-pro photographer, I would normally fix up a photo before posting, but I leave this one as is, mainly to show how the calzone comes.

From the paper plates, to the paper towel liners, to the bright orange tray, everything screams DIVE!  But that is okay—look at the calzone!  It looks delicious!

This is the extra-large—at $24, it is not diner-cheap, but it is well worth it for the amount you get.  Since our first visit, we returned to restaurant a few times, and ordered in from Mr Calzone during the COVID era.

This XL-calzone comes in a 14” pizza box, which gives you a good impression of the size.  I am a huge eater and this serving leaves me stuff for two meals; this would make three or four meals for many people. 

Despite my aversion to dough, I instantly fall in love with this lovely covering.  Perfectly baked, it comes crispy, crunchy and gives satisfying texture to the bite.  Even the next day, a slight rewarming in the oven brings back the original texture. 

Inside the meaty calzone, you can see beautiful chunks of pink chicken and ground beef.  It is also supposed to come with pepperoni, but I cannot see it, and really, it does not need it. 

While the ground beef tastes nicely seasoned, the chicken makes the dish.  If you take a chunk of chicken out and eat it by itself, it tastes a tad dry, but oozing with flavour.  Inside the calzone, the hugely flavourful chicken acts as a wonderful backbone, supporting the rest of the ingredients.  To me, the vegetables is simple coleslaw, made with aioli instead of mayo.  Slices of carrots, bits of red and green cabbage, the coleslaw adaptation makes a perfect accompaniment, cutting through the dryness of the meat and dough, and imparting an inspired crunch with every bite. 

I normally like an assortment of meat to go with an assortment of vegetables, but this chicken tastes so good, the chicken is by far the star, but coleslaw plays a necessary supporting role.

It really is almost impossible to stop eating this.  Every bite incites my gluttonous desires to eat an entire extra-large in one sitting—it is THAT GOOD.

Mr Calzone is not an ordinary dive.  Sure, the storefront, dining room and building do not look that great, but who cares.  When you make food this good, you look past everything.  This is not your ordinary bacon and eggs; this is ambrosia.  You must try this.

This is an unbiased, free public service that I am happy to provide.  If you enjoy these reviews, please consider clicking on the accompanying ads.  This is the only compensation I receive. 

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Ray Yuen, Pit Master, Grill Master

Certified Kansas City Barbecue Society Judge - Badge #97736

Certified Steak Cook-off Association Judge - Badge #7788

Canadian Barbecue Society Member